There's a Level Red pollution watch in effect today. Basically it means you shouldn't go outside or your lungs may eventually…I don't know…implode and kill you or something.
Well, Level Red, Schmevel Red, I say. Have they seen my yard? I either cut the grass this morning or become the shame of the neighborhood. No way, Jose. Not this weekend warrior. Level Red? Ha! I laugh in your face. Let's mow!