Posts from — November 2001

It's like crack, but more addictive. Seriously. Don't try this unless you've got a half hour. You've been warned!!!!!! Kick-ups

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The United States armed forces cannot recieve cards to "any serviceman" this year due to fears of terrorism. Instead, the Pentagon has set up a secure email system that allows anyone to send a message to "any serviceman." Just pick the branch of the service, type your message and click send.

The story behind the "to any serviceman" cards:
Since 1967, when Sgt. Billy Thompson wrote Abigail Van Buren and mentioned that a wonderful Christmas present to our armed forces would be "just a letter from home," American citizens have been sending holiday wishes to servicemen and women stationed overseas every holiday season. Dubbed "Operation Dear Abby," the program has brought holiday joy to hundreds of thousands of U.S. military personnel deployed away from home.

To access the site, visit http://anyservicemember.navy.mil/

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"Wow! Check out Britney Spears! I gotta get this internet thing more often!"

I'm sure that delicious comment will get me rubber-stamped for a hot afterlife. My apologies to all the Catholics who ardently defend the pontiff's right to get his 'net on.

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Well, Thanksgiving has come and gone. So has most of the turkey, dressing balls, and all of the champagne!

We passed another holiday milestone today: The tree and lights are up on the house. It was a remarkably unremarkable occurance today. The tree went up with no more than 4 profane words and all of the lights work (finally!) on the roofline. I didn't fall of a ladder or blow any fuses. (Except for the profanity!)

Merrin is suggesting I "try to figure out what I want for Christmas". I assume she has seen my Christmas list and found it lacking. So, I've got to spend a few more hours online trying to find "what I want for Christmas". (Assuming it passes her strict evaluation for what I "want"!)

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Have you ever wondered what these highly intelligent thoughts would sound like if they were interpreted to spanish and then again to English? Well, me neither. But it's funny as hell. (CLICK HERE TO TRY)

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I'd like to say here and now that I don't think Bush should pardon a turkey this Thanksgiving. I know its a tradition (a bad one, but a tradition nonetheless). I think it's time for Bush to stand up and say: No one gets a free ride. Then I think turkeys everywhere would think twice before getting involved in hijinks.

Now, for all you liberals out there (Merrin), I know what you're thinking: "We need to stand together and say it's OK to be a turkey." Well, I say it's not OK to be a turkey and there shouldn't be a pardon for turkeys.

If you're reading this Mr. President, I say stand fast and show those turkeys who's boss. Oh yeah, and pass the gravy.

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When I am King, I am going to administer a mandatory multiple choice test to every citizen on their 25th birthday. A passing grade will allow that person to continue living in modern society, with all rights and privileges, including the right to vote, reproduce, drive a car, use a computer, and complain about whatever they feel like complaining about. Any grade below passing will be punishable by instant death. No questions asked. "Sorry… you failed… we have no use for someone like you. Kindly strap yourself in to this chair…"

Here are a few sample question from my quiz:

Wine should be served from a:

a) Box

b) Can

c) Wine?

d) Bottle

If you're in the check-out line at the grocery store, the best way to get the conveyor belt to stop is to:

a) Keep pushing your items further back on the belt so that they don't get eaten by the eerie green light below the conveyor mechanism.

b) Panic and pick up your groceries so that the items belonging to the guy behind you get eaten by the eerie green light.

c) Stare at the cashier with a panicked look on your face so that he flicks the switch and turns the belt off, saving your items from the eerie green light.

d) Leave your items on the belt. When they reach the end, the little electric-eye thingy will trigger and turn the belt off. They will not be eaten by the eerie green light.

When an airplane finishes taxiing and pulls up to the gate, passengers should:

a) Immediately stand up and crowd the aisle of the airplane

b) Stand up and grab your items from the overhead bin, knocking the guy next to you in the head

c) Stand up and attempt to exit the plane.

d) Remain seated. You're not going anywhere for ten more minutes. No need to create chaos.

If everyone had a basic understanding of things, the world would be a better place and I wouldn't have to explain to the guy in front of me why he should leave his groceries on the conveyor belt.

Finally, what do you get for the man who has everything? (I mean HAS everything!)

I'm here to help.

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WIth no objections from me, ABC will air a Victoria's Secret style show on prime time TV tonight. (Yeah, Brian 9 Eastern!) This "style show" will feature the famous models showing this year's latest fashions. I confess. I'll be watching. But it makes you wonder, what kind of family programming does Disney have in mind for us down the road??

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I can't begin to explain the number of ways that this is just wrong:

Tobacco Company Buys Rights to Cancer Vaccine

I guess if the tobacco company has a vaccine for lung cancer, it will put FindAGrave.com out of business, huh? Here's another site that shows the greatness of the internet (and no snide remarks from you web-snobs, this one's from PBS and has maps!): Would you survive a nuclear bomb?

On a lighter note, things are going pretty well here on the homefront. My sister-in-law is celebrating her birthday today (email her). Congrats, Jen. Merrin is working tonight. It's the first weeknight she's worked in eons (I can't begin to tell you how nice that is!) The net effect, however, is that I am fending for myself for dinner. Hmmm, I wonder if Jen has any cake leftover??

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To all our nation's veterans: Thank you.

Thank you to the men and women who have given years of their lives to the service of our country. Thank you to the mothers and fathers whose children chose to protect their neighbors in hopes that, one day, their own children might not have to do so. Thank you to all the people who endured sacrifices to support our troops. Thank you to the men and women who have given their life in service to our country.

You are remembered today and every tomorrow.

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It's you lucky day! Two for the price of one…well, actually they're both free. Just play along.

1) MSN Messenger. Most people know I hate instant messenger programs. This is different. This is a networking tool - and a darn good one. Yeah, you can chat and that's what we'll all use it for, but you can also share programs over the internet. They even have a WebTV - I mean Mircrosoft TV - version. Awesome.

2) Pixar Short Films. Did you like Monsters, Inc? Bug's Life? Toy Story? Do you have about 3 minutes? Pixar makes their "short" movies available free of charge on the internet. Greatness.

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Not a whole lot going on at the house this weekend. Merrin wanted me to upgrade her computer to Windows XP (which I resisted), so she bought her own copy and installed it herself. Either 1) My wife is a freaking genius, or 2) Windows XP is relatively simple to install and network, because she finished the install and had her computer networked to mine in less than 10 minutes. For my own personal safety, I'm going with #1: My wife is a freaking genius.

It seems my "favorite" ex-president is at it again (Clinton calls terror a U.S. debt to past — The Washington Times). This man really doesn't get it. I can't believe someone would vote for him — twice. This fact flies in the face of my prevoius realization: My wife is a freaking genius.

Some of you might wonder: "Why is so complimentary of Merrin today?" Well, I read this (Click Here) and it made me realize how important it is to tell your wife you love her everyday.

Finally, for Uncle Bill: you might want to stock up on these in Wildcat Blue. Some people really love their team!

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Osama bin Laden says he has nuclear and chemical weapons to "protect Islam." (Its remarkable that Islam has been so well protect since 639 without them, huh?) I guess you take all this with a grain of salt. That's the only way to take it.
SCMP.com - Asia's leading English news channel - Front Page

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In light of all the talk about potential threats, it amazes me the number of stories that appear every day about missing radioactive/nuclear materials. Here's one from our good friends in Italy. If this sort of thing takes place in Italy (a relatively protective society), I shudder to think what goes on in Argentina or Pakistan.

Il Sole 24 ORE.com - English Edition

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The new Star Wars trailer is out. Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones opens in May 2002. If it's anything like the last time, Merrin & I will be there at midnight to catch the very first showing. The trailer looks great!

See it here:Star Wars: Episode II

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